Wednesday, September 30, 2009

What are the Rules?

Here is some friendly advice. Remember, this advice isn't just relevant for the Month of October, horrible things can happen any day of the year....
The Rules
1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.

4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.

5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it alone.

6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!

9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out!

10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around!

12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing. And even if you're sure you know what you're doing, just don't fool with it!

13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.

15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had half of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

17. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Thursday, June 11, 2009

My relative

I am taking a rare opportunity to brag. This article is about a relative of mine. I hope everyone finds the article interesting.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

I got a fish.

Well the blogs have been dead for a while. With the death of my sister obviously things have been a bit depressed around here. There have been good times, but then we come back down. Last weekend was what I needed. My Dad took me fishing. OK, well he took the whole family, but it was for my benefit. It's been a very long time since I have been fishing. and about the same amount of time since I have been able to go with my Dad.
When I was younger I didn't have the patience for it. I asked my Dad to teach me again. He took us up to the Uinta mountains. Well, That really didn't work out. The lakes still had ice on them, and snow. That meant no fishing there. It was a great car ride though. Anyway we ended up going to Echo lake and fished. Everyone had a good time. I had a great time. I was the only on who caught a fish. My dad cast the line to show me how. The line was in just long enough for me to get the poll, and sit down on a rock when I felt the tug on the pole. I reeled her in. Dad didn't know I had anything until It was almost to the land. It was a 21 & 1/2 in. rainbow trout.It was a great time had by all.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Today's Aquarius Horoscope:

May 14, 2009

Nobody's perfect, dear Aquarius, so there's no sense in trying to be. Even if you feel that something is pushing you to perfect certain aspects of your love life at the moment, remind yourself that sometimes doing too much can be as damaging as doing too little. It isn't necessary to have an overcharged schedule. Try and slow down the pace a bit, dear Aquarius. Your mind and body do have their limits.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Friday, April 17, 2009

it's a little late ...

But here is the Easter message from the LDS church. Remember we are NOT alone.

"One of the great consolations of this Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so."
- Jeffrey R. Holland

Thursday, April 2, 2009

What do you do when you are caught wasting company time.

You say you have to stop to participate in a religious practice. That way they can’t do anything with violating your human rights. LOL!
You can tell them that you were working and then when they complain about the time. You swear that you were working and as they persist you get concerned. Then as you contemplate what is going on you have two options. 1. Claim you were abducted again by aliens. 2. Claim some horrible brain tumor, or disease. Then before they can say anything else bust into tears screaming “why!”
How about you claim gremlins came and destroyed your work so you had to start over.
You could claim that the voices in you head took a vote and you all agree, “work is stupid and so are you.” Then turn around and continue what you were doing.
You can pull the fire alarm and then that makes it so you don’t have to work and no one cares because you are all outside. If you get caught you just turn and look very angry and say it was your evil twin out to ruin you.
There is always the route of when called about the hours insist that you have a computer problem and it doesn’t work right. Insist that they come take a look then have them monkey with your computer. Have them wait there while you take a cup and go get a glass of water. When you return and they tell you it is working fine. Pour the water inside the computer. Then say “It sure looks like it’s got a problem to me.”
My personal favorite is when management comes to complain about the time. You say you are doing fine. When they question you again you put your arm around them and very quietly tell them that you are very strongly connected to the mob. That you would hate to have this incident ruin your professional relation ship. Then point your finger like a gun and wink at them as you send them back to there office. Then arrange for little accident to happen to them through the week. Making sure you are always there to point out how horrible that was. Of course having a solid alibi the whole time.
I forgot about the one where you bring your desk orgier to work and when they come to give you a hard time you hit them over the head knocking them unconscious. Then you feed them to desk orger. And no one is the wiser. Make sure you give the club you used to the orger as well for him to eat.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

March Madness

Well March madness has begun here at work. For the first time ever I filled out a Bracket. Now I know that my pick for winning the whole thing is a stretch, but you got to stick with you team win or lose. Anyway, I Picked U of U as the big winner. I won’t bore you with the rest of the details unless someone asks. It’s been really entertaining to have all the guys give me a hard time about my chooses, but having never cared before I think I have done ok. Besides I really don’t care about the Prize at the end. One of my bosses family all fill out brackets. The winner gets $50, and a big trophy with a basketball player on it. They keep the trophy till next year. It’s funny because my dad loves sports, but March Madness wasn’t a big deal. I remember A woman I dated She and her family got so excited this time of year. There were fights and hard feelings about games. Wins and loses were such a huge deal. I would just laugh and make fun of them. Anyway, to everyone out there who cares may the best team win. LOL!

Monday, March 16, 2009



Thursday, March 12, 2009

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Awesome commercial

I have seen this commercial before. I love it. I hope everybody likes it too.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I burned my hand today.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Colbert is Awesome!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Help, help I can't Breath!

So I hope this story is as funny as it was last night.
So last night I got to go to my Cousin's house. Which was tons of fun. After making homemade pizza we all played a game. My other cousin and her husband, and their awesome son was there as well. The game we played was called "imaginiff" It has questions that you ask and everyone had a number and then you pick the number that best fit the answer to the question. So the Question was, "If one of you was a mime, who would be trapped in their invisialbe box forever." Everyone laughed and picked me right away. We all laughed about me being trapped not saying a word needing help. Also me writing invisible signs for help and so on. I then said "Well, that's all funny until I run out of air in my invisible box and die." I laughed so hard I cried and so did everyone else. The mental picture of me slowly suffocating away in my invisible box as a mime. My cousin wanted to blog about it as well. I just had to share that funny moment with everyone at my expense. Anyway, we all played and had pizza and had a great time. Thanks again for having us all over.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

The only warm spot in the house...

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I got a new pager at work. State of the art.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

What is left of my birthday cake. It was very good. It was a superman cake. Scarlet made it. I did find it funny the head was the first 2 go. Yet no 1 will toutch the belt. LOL!

You're 29!

Today is John's Birthday!!
this message brought to you by the cute wife liz

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Liz @ the Anniversary Inn

I captured all the Uber-Zombies!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

7 Years

I just wanted to say that it has been a great 7 years. I love my wife.

Friday, January 16, 2009

10 DVD's you'd take to a desert island

10 DVD's you'd take to a desert island:

Star Trek: First Contact
Return of the Jedi
Superman the Movie
The Rocketeer
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Mountain of the Lord
Iron Man
Star Trek 6: The Undiscovered Country
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
The Princess Bride

This List is subject to change. I mean What about T.V. season box sets? If you get a box set with 4 disks are you cheating? Do you have to pick one disk out of the entire season?